The Power of words


I have been called a lot of things in my life



“fit thrower”

“spaz Kid”

“Mentally challenged”

“violent youth”




Then a lot of Phd’s got involved and they said


“Eidetic memory”



Then the teens and the twenties came around and it was






I started throwing out drunks on pub doors before I was old enough to get in myself, and I was winning martial arts comps and turning those skills into a security career on top of my cheffing on top of a dozen other thing because why do one thing when you can do ten things better? but one day I looked the  book being written in by my manager who got me protection work and next to my name it said-

“efficiently violent”

So I walked away and never did it again, I threw myself into entertainment but my manager said I was-

“gifted but troubled”

So then I figured the only way to throw the insults back at the world was to make them laugh so I had a career in entertainment and then I was




“in your face”

“total package”

Then I came out and my family threw me away like old sneakers, my wife threw me away like last weeks trash  and my career went down the toilet thanks to a homophobic manager.

You see I had been raising myself since I was 12 or 14 , when I was 12 I was riding a bike 20 miles round trip to and from judo practice on my own, today that would be abuse, from 10 we were taught to do our own laundry and the first  person home at night cooked dinner for a household of 8  even if you were still in third grade, then at 12 I lied about my age (I was 6ft2) and enlisted in navy reserves it was one night a week, one weekend a month it meant I had to catch a train 20 miles each way every Friday night never getting home before 1 am on my own. my mother knew she thought it was good for me to be out on my own.

When I came out to the family my mother gave my brother the job of “beating the gay out of me” she told him do whatever was necessary, he broke my back but that was nothing new he’d been raping me since I was three.

I don’t share this so you’ll ll line up and go boohoo, if you notice the only words never used by anyone towards me was love. So for some whiny bitch to say I was born with the silver spoon in my life and was an over entitled fool hurt me more than any rape or beating or lack of care ever has.

I know those ponces, as I would ride up on my bike to judo after 20 miles mummy would be dropping them off in the bmw, yelling ”remember play nice” judo was a dalliance to them to me it was an hour or two without a relatives sweaty body on top of me.

Silver spoon? You know I have one and I cherish it, not because I was born with it but a because a head chef gave it to me as a tasting spoon as a reward for busting my ass 14 hours a day in a kitchen without airconditioning, learning not only to cook but at the same time the language so I could understand what was being taught.

Words cut worse than knives, the only people who don’t get that were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, they’re too busy verbally putting down people like me to realize the power of a  vocabulary.

I am proud of what Ella and I have because we sweated blood for every inch of it, I’m proud of the real friends I have because they’re still here through the good and the bad.

Bmw’s don’t excite me I’ve had a couple I rather have a pickup like we have now, big houses don’t excite me owning my own piece of desert does. The highest thrill I’ve had lately is  a lady called Samela telling me my blog post was a good piece because you see she is a world class journalist.

Life when it’s handed to you means nothing ,the people who know it’s value earnt their lives, my friend Samela was working in her dads bookshop as child, my cousins were running large tracts of Australia before they graduated school  and my Ella was translating bank loans for Russian relatives and family before she was 12 and a Public relations exec before she was 21 because she simultaneously did a degree and worked 60 hours a week.

So before you open your mouth next time to put someone down look in the mirror, look where you are ask yourself “did I earn one stitch of this?” if the answer is no mommy gave it to me shut up and listen.The person you were about to put down ,the hard worker , the blue collar person ,the self-made person can teach you one thing you’ve probably never encountered, humility because for them to achieve in your world they had to start at the bottom of the shit pile

Is that a white line down the road or speed? Wtf I’ll sniff it


Eighteen years ago a newly transitioned transgender woman was living in a share house on Sandgate rd in Brisbane Australia.She was newly released from prison after all charges were dismissed and an apology from the state government was written, it took them several months of her in hell in a male prison for them to realize it is impossible to be in Asia and the gold coast at the same time?

She had had her children stolen by her ex, her career destroyed by a lying homophobic manager and a price put on her head by her own mother to “beat the gay out of her” and when her brothers are two of the most famous muscle for hire in the country that was a threat not to be ignored.

A woman newly hatched, How to survive without (as she later found to be a misguided idea) the use of all her formerly masculine fighting skills was she would learn a scary proposition.

She met some people who taught her how to be a woman, they had friends who taught her how to survive the gay scene, and then at her lowest they had friends who introduced her to speed. For two years every day that she was awake she was putting a gram of pure uncut speed up her nose.

Life was a blur for her,she witnessed things she would previously have run from she would be up for a week, crash for three days, then do a gram and repeat it all over again.

She was the life of the party at every night club in the valley, she was known to all, disliked by some but as long as she was chemically assisted “fuck them and the rainbow unicorns they flew in on”!

Then One day she was at a party with her group of drug assisted twinks and drag queens and she saw some older gays talking. She was taking pictures, lots of pictures, it was her new hobby because her special friend at that time was a photographer who took crime scene pics for the federal police. He would on slow days  Take her pics to work as a favor and develop them. Three days later she was at headquarters explaining where she took the pics, why she took the pics and if she knew the older gays in the background by the pool?. Two days after finding out the total stranger in the background was one of Queensland’s most wanted people she went cold turkey she was clean for ten days.

ten day she thought I have this beat, then she was walking along a road high as a kite and suddenly was pulled into a car was held down and felt herself being jabbed with a needle, it seems they liked her  better when she was a junky.

The shot it turned out was her old friend speed mixed with heroin, a message? She was dumped in the carpark of a doctors surgery in a strip mall in the valley at 4am, luckily it turned out her doctor.

At 7 am when the doctor opened up to some quiet paper work before patients, she found the almost gone woman on the welcome mat. As the nurse arrived a few moments behind her they got the comatose figure into the back room. They drew blood, they put in a fluids and vitamins drip and they strapped her to the bed for the next 24 hours. That woman threw up, messed, sweated gallons, was cleaned up and did it  all over again and when they knew what the drug was they countered it.

That woman woke up shaking the next day, she was told where she was and how they found her and that the doctor believed the shot was meant to kill her.

That day was June 22nd 1998 that woman was me and I have been sober and clean ever since.

There are a small handful of people, all beautiful women that have my undying gratitude. They know who they are, they know I love them and one is my bashert Ella, the other I shall not name here out of respect for their lives 18 years later.

It took a lot to come clean with this and tell people, but it’s not for glory or bragging it is to show those still going through their own personal hells that if they just keep going and accept the help offered they can make it out the other side.

Pauline Hanson do you hate yourself that much?


There is an old saying that what one hates about another is really what you hate about yourself, and evidently it’s true. Pauline Hanson the mediocre chip maker /convict turned politician recently took a GEANOLOGY DNA TEST and found out she has actual Middle Eastern blood! OMG LOL.

Actually it’s not uncommon in Australia, one of the most famous families in the bush is the Rasheed’s their ancestors came to this country in the 1800’s along with hundreds of afghan nationals and camels(there are more camels in Australia than the middle east, we actually import camels to Arabia) the famous Adelaide to Darwin the train “the Ghan” is short for afghan because the afghan camel operators shipped necessary and sometimes lifesaving supplies up and down the track to the camps of the people building the railway line.  Like the Chinese who came in the 1800’s to mine gold in Victoria they blended with society, and inter married.  Australia was a melting pot with people getting on for more than a hundred years before bigoted troglodytes like Hanson ate the white supremacist cake and drunk the Kool-Aid.

Every few decades some fool yells “white Australia everyone not white get out” the funny thing is when I read their cries on Facebook yesterday I counted twenty Greeks a dozen Italians at least ten people of different Asian descent all yelling “throw the Muslims out”? how soon they forget? My home town of Adelaide in the state of south Australia recently put in place a new governor, a Vietnamese man who in the seventies came as a refugee following the war. They were treated horribly called “gooks” and “slope heads” and names much much worse but yet now we have Vietnamese celebrities on Australia’s cooking channel Vietnamese scholars and her majesties representative the governor an actual refugee?

When I was a kid at school  (Early 60’s threw early 70’s)Italians and Greeks were “wops and spics” when my mom was younger ( the forties) the Yugoslavs and Germans and Jews were” kikes and Slav bastards and krouts”

You see  Pauline you can’t even be original “a nation that forgets it’s past is destined to repeat it” are you so eager to prove you can achieve something that you’ll choose hate as that achievement? Are you so uneducated that you can’t sit at the table and work out differences? Aussies sort out bullshit over a beer, in my day we would say “stop your bloody whining  and get off your ass” Pauline Hanson if you want Australia to respect you, you have to earn it. We are a sunburnt country, a colorful country, our dirt is red our oceans blue and our flag has stars on it we swear allegiance under the southern cross and we fight our enemies where ever they appear and  we never let a mate down  you respect your elders stand up for women love our kids and live life like we stole it.

Pauline Hanson there’s no place in a true Australian society for hate like yours, go read the honor rolls at the war memorial you’ll find Muslims and Chinese and Irish and Italians and Greeks and Slavs all fought and died for our great nation so who are you to piss on their memory if you don’t like Australia take your own advice and leave!

I love my Australian home but what were you thinking?


Two days ago in my beautiful land down under we had a double dissolution of parliament election, that means in short there was a complete vote of no confidence in the entire government and they all had to stand for reelection?

Now one would think when served with such a chance an intelligent thinking voting population would get it right, would dispose of the useless assholes and finally get their beloved country back on track? One would hope.

But as dawn breaks on a new country, they still haven’t declared a prime minister but they have dived into Pandora’s Box broken the seal and released a plague of biblical proportions on themselves called Pauline Hanson! Why oh why? she is a convicted criminal ( yes I know they over turned her conviction)But seriously the only reason her conviction was overturned was to find a jury of her peers they would have to have twelve people in cognitive comas in the jury box and seriously there’s not enough plugs for their life support.

Twenty years ago when this cognitive amoeba last was a pimple on the political face of Australia Asian immigration made up 3% of all immigration to Australia, averaging about two thousand people a year. Australia at the time was about to hit 22 million as a population, Her election platform was that by 2015 (yes last year) at the current  rate of Asian immigration Australia would be 97% Asian? An educated fifth grader at the time worked out that for really happen deaths would have to increase several thousand percent, births of white Anglo Saxon Australian babies would have to virtually stop and we would have to increase Asian immigration while stopping all white immigration completely by about 20,000%. And as long as she mixed it with some good old bobo cordial (Australians will get it) the bullshit was actually palatable enough to get her elected “please explain”

Well here it is twelve glorious months after the end of the world as she knew it and china towns ,little Vietnams and japans are still small corners tucked away in every city and rickshaws and tuk tuks last time I checked have not replace the falcon fairlane and commodore as taxi’s!

She was eventually outed as the criminal she was, her manager was a muscle for hire with a criminal record as long as her nose for violent crime and a member of the white Arian Nation group and eventually she went to jail, even there she wasn’t smart.

Then for twenty years she lurked in the shadows like that creepy uncle at Christmas who always wants you come see his puppies, then when she saw people stupider than her elected and she thought” fuck why not if the short bus is stopping at parliament house why shouldn’t I be on it”?

Australia pull your head out of your bums, remember immigrants built this nation.

Afghans built the railway the Chinese mined sovereign hill and the goldfields of the 1850’s and the Polish, Italians and Yugoslavs built the snowy river hydro-electric scheme. The English came out  as ten pound poms and ran the automotive industry in the Holden and Ford and Chrysler factories across the nation. Serioulsy folks we wouldn’t have fish and chips and fruit and veg shops without the Amazing Greeks and Italians and every single drop of wine we have ever consumed we can thank the Germans for so remember before you send Australia back to the “white Australia policy days of the 1960’s ask what you’re willing to give up?.

Is the United States of today even worth fighting for?


Yesterday the republican congressman running against democrat tammy Duckworth for this year’s election, made fun on twitter of her being a double amputee (she lost her legs fighting for her country as an attack chopper pilot)

Last week a republican in Texas said “the disabled are a financial drain on America and should not be encouraged or tolerated”

Republican candidate trump said “she bleeds out of all kinds of places” or “she’s a fat ugly pig”

A popular southern Baptist minister said when giving a sermon on the Orlando massacre” the killer didn’t go far enough we should kill all the sodomites”

I am in my mid-fifties, I was born a few years after the end of the Korean War (my father and most of my uncles fought in it) In Australia we have ANZAC day (Australian New Zealand armed corps) to celebrate and commemorate the heroes who fought and those who paid the ultimate price defending freedom.

As children we were taught to respect the elderly, honor veterans and speak kindly of those we don’t completely understand and the biblical principles of “judge not lest ye be judged” and “he who is without sin cast the first stone” a minister in my youth might have condemned homosexuality but he would have also from the pulpit told us to pray for their salvation.

Politicians ,now don’t laugh are meant to conduct themselves with dignity, never laugh at a war hero who lost her legs, never say of 51% of the population “they bleed out of all kinds of places” or “they’re fat pigs” When we vote in theory were voting for a person to make the right decisions for our safe prosperous future, a person who thinks like us who grew up like us who knows what we the people need to not only merely survive but grow and prosper under their protection.

Whether in my native Australia or my adopted United States, as a child and through my early adult hood you might not have liked or agreed with a politicians beliefs or campaign statements but you could be assured he had basic common decent core values, that even if your party didn’t get in there would never be hate speech or a call to slaughter or a statement congratulating a terrorist for the death of 49 innocents.

Many will scream I’m naïve, yes I know there’s always been the KKK  and the white supremacists but I’m talking about real honest politicians not fringe lunacy and yes for people of color for many years and even still today a lot of this is not always the case. There has always been and unfortunately always will be racists and that in its self is a nation’s shame but when the people running even hate their own race is there any hope left? Is there a nation to protect?

This is the 21st century cars drive themselves ,we can bank by computer get a degree online operate a drone in one nation flying over another, we transplant every organ except the brain in the human body but we can’t teach common decency to the people that we the people vote to stand up for us?

As a disabled and a trans person (the T in LGBTQ) who is in a lesbian marriage (the L) and my wife is an immigrant, a citizen but an immigrant nonetheless the plethora of hatred and bigotry and stupidity that is this election cycle hits home to us at every turn. People we must stand for something or we’ll fall for it all, trump is not a politician, hell he’s not even a decent human being!

Don’t think just about yourself think of your kids, a famous man once said “he who forgets history is destined to repeat it” to that point the Texas board of education who for some reason print and decide the content of the entire countries school books has re written American history and removed any mention of slavery instead calling “unpaid contract labor” and even says the slaves were well cared for? It refers to the holocaust as “an unproved theory”

If we don’t get out this November and vote and vote against hate, vote against bigotry and vote for a future where our children can have an actual real   education an education that sets them up for more than a job as a barista and a life of school loans we should be ashamed of noone but ourselves.

Trump- wants to remove every form of care the previous 44 presidents have fought to install to make this country great, he wants to arrest 11 million people and tear the family apart? Independent fact checkers (meaning no affiliation with either party) have proven 97% of his claims and proposals are lies or completely impossible.

Bernie- was amazing, he started a revolution, he moved millions that previously didn’t care to care with a passion. But Bernie fans,elections are a last man standing first to the ribbon wins no re do‘s system and he lost. So honor him with the same level of dignity he ran with and accept he’s done and get behind Hilary to keep trump from taking over 1600 Pennsylvania avenue

Hilary Clinton- yes she’s been there before as first lady, she was Madame secretary and she has been accused of everything short of the Kennedy assassination and Cuban missile crisis, but before you drink the Kool-Aid ask yourself the source of the so called facts  you’re basing your hate or dislike for her.

Remember trump and the 97% lie rate, and Burnie wanted her gone he’s a nice guy  but he wants the big white shiny house in Washington and all the ads are paid for by old white men like the Koch brothers who think women belong in bed and Jews well they don’t want them around?

Whoever you vote for in November, don’t vote because you think the candidate is good or great imagine a nation 4 years or 8 years on if what comes out of their mouth comes to fruition but first do your own fact checking and calculations and then look and ask yourself would you still want to live in the united states under that person and even more important would they still be united?

Remember last time someone stood on a soap box and spewed hate filled rhetoric in this country 20 million Americans died, brothers killed brothers,cousins killed cousins, neighbors killed neighbors  there was nothing civil about the civil war.

Look to your left, look to your right and across the street and imagine the people you call neighbors, the children your children play with and go to school with, if their brown and not white what would your neighborhood be without their input? we jokingly call ourselves a melting pot but maybe you forgot for all the colors to successfully blend together someone has to light a fire under it!

Republicans Attack Democratic Disabled Vet Running for Senate in Mind-Numbingly Offensive Tweet



  • Source: PBS NewsHour/Flickr

Senate Republicans Grossly Mock Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth

With respect, forget, for a moment if you will, that it’s International Women’s Day.

Forget, if you will for a moment that Republicans falsely claim to be the party that respects and cares for our veterans. Forget, if you will for a moment that the GOP presidential candidates in the 2016 election season have taken this nation down the sewer.

But don’t forget that U.S. Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth is the first disabled woman to be elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. Don’t forget that she served as an Assistant Secretary in the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Don’t forget that she was the Director of the Illinois Department of Veterans Affairs.

And do not, ever, forget that she is an Iraq war veteran who lost both her legs as a combat helicopter pilot, then served as a Lieutenant Colonel in the Illinois Army National Guard.


How in the world would anyone, ever, think this is OK?


That’s a tweet posted by the Republican party – specifically the NRSC, National Republican Senatorial Committee, whose job is to get Republicans elected to the U.S. Senate.

Yes, the Republicans just mocked a disabled veteran, and said she isn’t “standing up for our veterans.”


Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth is running for the Senate, and the GOP clearly isn’t happy about it.

The tweet was deleted, according to the many, many people on Twitter right now furious about it, around 10 minutes after it was posted.

No apology. No embarrassment. No show of remorse.

Just one more example of what the Republican Party has become.


I must dreaming please stop screaming…


Have you ever had a dream, a way out of the Hell that is your existence? a dream that is the only thing that keeps you from tripping off the mortal coil in a PTSD nightmare filled flash back driven life that is only yours in the Nano seconds it takes for one memory of hell to finish and the next to play?

I have, I dreamt of waking back in the bush with wild life and the smell of eucalyptus, a place where my neighbors are nature and geology and red dirt and animals that come when I call and livestock who show undying love and I give it back. To most who know me they would say that’s the outback mia, your remembering anama station, dulkaninna, pinkelly via tibouburra what you speak of is namajirras vision dorothea McKellar’s vision splendid  banjo Patterson’s kosiousckos side or Clancy’s overflow in short my beloved Australia.

Australia will always be where my heart remains but it is also where my hells is it is where my nightmares were born. I can go back for short burst a few months at a time but to live there once again for ever is a thing at least at now I cannot foresee it so the search began for a piece of desert somewhere with all the above qualifications and it took many years and many false starts but finally we found candy kitchen a little piece of Cibola county in New Mexico closer to Arizona border than Albuquerque and the planning began.

What others would call bad luck we called a sign it is 6 miles up a road up a mountain the last 2 miles  4wd drive only, my architect was terrified and quit two builders said you’re bloody  mad and finally we met a couple and they said “we’ll give it a go” and our dream began to take shape.

People still think I’m crazy a wheelchair using seizure suffering PTSD sufferer living on a mountain top completely off the grid. We planned to be there by September 2014 but there is an old saying

“How do you make god laugh? You tell him your plans”

So I was emotionally set to be rid of NYC and go bush as we aussies say, then something came up so it was January. Again hanging on by my nails then el-ninio hit so now it was to be May 2015 a friend from Australia was coming, at the last minute he never showed up at the airport and a month later we found him. After a mound of excuses he said he’d be there august he’d bring thousands to live on and buy a car.

August came he arrived penniless, no clothes, no transport  and hundreds of miles from my place.

I hadn’t seen him in 20 years,the man I knew was as honest as the day is long and a jack of all trades, the man who arrived was con artist, a thief and  a criminal who used my construction timber for fire wood and cost me thousands. A build that should have taken two weeks wasn’t even started, again I am on the point of physical and mental break I have my paradise but am I ever meant to live there?

We finally got rid of our problem by October and we had three months of storms now it’s 2016 its may and were heading there with the intent of going fulltime in June. I was breathing, the end was in sight, may was wonderful but the house is still a long way from finished but our builders are doing their best with what mother nature throws at them but June is cancelled?

June is now, as I write we should be packing the car and driving to our piece of heaven. Were not going now, now it’s set for the last day of august.

During this last year I was attacked they smashed my shoulder, I have a 97%tear of my left rotator cuff and strangulated nerves to my left bicep and  had major surgery in february.

So now even if my emotions were strong enough to still hang on by my fingertips It’s all on one arm, because 5 months after surgery My left arm is useless. My days are spent home alone from 7am to 7pm, just me and my mazing service dog Zeus. He gets my ptsd and my flash backs and my seizures, he doesn’t judge he just does what he’s trained to do and then hundred times more with the love he gives in my darkest moments.

The new go date is last day of august, on a good day both hands can grip the ledge but most days I’m hanging by one with Zeus on my lap and I count the hours. Today is a bad day, I have had a seizure, I have zoned out multiple times and sat bolt upright as I come back to the room. And my left arm is locked and immovable and hurts like hell.

I’m still here,  I’m hanging on,  it’s my vision splendid from the edge of my mountain top that keeps me here. Maybe it will be different next week? maybe it won’t? but the one thing I do know is only dirt on my wheels and fresh air in my hair will make it all worthwhile.