Some people live relatively healthy lives and then suddenly at a certain age they have an event, a heart attack or a stroke or TIA so they get to enjoy a major part of their life.
Then there are others who Have childhood illnesses they grow out of and then they get to live.
Then there are those of us who live every decade with one diagnosis after another, when you are young you tell you yourself” it’s nothing” and when you get older you teach yourself to work around it. With epilepsy I took meds. I avoided strobes and couldn’t eat grapefruit because it voided the effect of anti-convulsants.
But as the decade’s fold one into another, and you start to fold a new diagnosis into every decade as well there is only so many folds you can do without turning your life into an origami fest. Then there are the ones that run in your family that you were never told about because to have an inherited illness was looked at as some kind of family shame, but when your life depends on it and they no longer take your calls it makes it impossible to find out what’s wrong, and by the time you do find out it’s too late.
Well I have spent almost 6 decades on this planet and the last decade I’ve had wheels under my ass and now I had a TIA and they tell me I have hypertension So now my life is an alphabet soup of doctors and my fear is that the doctors will only keep filling the alphabet up as I get older.
Those who know me will tell people that I can handle anything that I am indominable, but here’s the secret folks I don’t know how to handle it anymore I take more meds than I eat meals. I see more people in scrubs than I do normal clothes, and my life has become more discussions of symptoms than meals and I am a chef.
I wish for the days back when Ella and I gave each other permission to be silly ,to be the crazy aunts that our nephews love and to be the crazy dykes who did shit at a moment’s notice but right now if the present is a sign of the future I don’t know how to get back to that.
Many are going to say this is a “Mia crying woe is me post” but nothing is farther from the truth, this is Mia having what my southern friends call a come to Jesus moment although in my case it would be Buddha. I simply want my life back I want my love back I want the fun back I want to once again reach for a fine Barossa valley cabernet sauvignon without worrying will it Affect my diagnosis to eat a plate of fine Italian food without worrying about sugars.
I want to grow old with the love of my love and not simply spend my time with a nurse.
Apple creates phones that have more power in one small phone than the computers that sent the first astronauts to the moon, is it too much to ask that someone can create some way for the dis and otherwise abled to live la dolce vita?