Mothers are meant to care, meant to love unconditionally aren’t they? My mother opened the bedroom door letting a swath of light into the pitch black in front of her when I was a child what did she see? A large teen boy naked on his knees sodomizing a small child? Did she run in screaming? Did she yell for help then call the police? No she stood still took a breath and said loudly “enough of that you have school in the morning” and closed the door, the molestation went on for 7 more years.
When an older sister divorced and went back to university, her pictures were taken off the wall, and all evidence of her existence removed from the house, and when she noticed the wall faded where frames once hung the wall was painted. Years later my mother who had never talked about or spoken my sister’s name in almost twenty years, told me that sister had died, she was my favorite and I grieved for several years.
When I came out my mother told me I was dead to her, that was different she meant I was alive but she disowned me. From the late seventies till the late nineties my mom disowned most of her children, the only two she didn’t were the pedophile and the one who had a nice life, one mom could live vicariously through, they had boats and access to luxury they were useful. The ones who actually made something of themselves in academia, a professor, a principal a business owner an author and entertainer were not ever spoken of again , the wall had to be painted again.
I travelled across the world, I built a new life, I accepted I had no mother anymore My mom had few morals few rules she wouldn’t break but yesterday I came across a name that made me think a name that shouldn’t be alive.
I didn’t want to think something so horrible even of my mother, I spoke to a cousin and had my worst thoughts proven right. These past years I had thought my sister dead she was alive living in an Australian city. I googled her and she is well respected in academia, it turns out we have lived almost as neighbors a few times since I thought she had passed.
I knew my sister had a separate life for many years somewhere in Australia but for a mother to tell a sibling their sister had died when she is very much alive is beyond the pale. This year if you want to send me a meme about how wonderful mothers are please refrain, please use some self-control, I’m glad you had a good mother mine was alive for what she could get for herself and if kids procured it great otherwise they had no use. I am home recovering from a physical assault but this mental one I doubt I’ll ever get over.