In the bible there are many verses telling people to be kind unto others, but the only one the bible thumpers remember is the one about man not lying with man and they get that one wrong,
When I was young and got too big for my molester to fuck me on a daily basis, I was angry I got really good at three different martial arts, I worked as a bouncer, a body guard I protected rock stars some really famous people.
I was not a good person to piss off I was angry at the world.
I was so good at angry I looked over the shoulder of the man who got me my work one day as he opened his ledger (pre computer days) and next to my name were three stars and he had written in the margin EFFICIENTLY VIOLENT!
When I had a son I became the parent that would literally kill anyone that hurt my boy, one time in tea tree plaza west field Adelaide a group of skin heads moshing through the food court knocked my spouse and my boys stroller he almost fell out I dropped three of them and the fourth ran away.
Then one day I was all alone and I discovered Buddhism and I asked a lama who was teaching on nonviolence “but what if they punch you?” he replied “but if you retaliate your punching yourself, because the law of karma says the punch you receive in this life you threw in another so if you keep hitting you’ll only keep getting hit?” Hmm deep.
I meditated on it and decided to do my best to live from that day forward a truly nonviolent life?
The one lucky thing about believing the teachings of Buddha is, if you screw up you have at least 500 lifetimes to get it right, lucky for me huh?
The words efficiently violent haunted me to the very core, the thought that I had that kind of reputation drove me to change.
Fast forward it’s 2014 I have been in a wheelchair permanently for 7 years unable to walk ever again, and it seems the universe spread the world of my confinement because until I became disabled I had never ever anywhere in the world been mugged or robbed yet it has happened half a dozen times since I grew wheels under my ass. Every day some asshole thinks kicking, knocking or generally abusing my wheelchair, me and or my service dog is ok and the worst ,on a train the other day a man went to sit on my lap because in his words ”that was all I was good for” I had become free seating for the peak hour train goers!
There was a movie star once, I can’t remember if it was Clint east wood or Charles Bronson or Arny but one of them said” why do people make me mad? They won’t like me when I am mad” I always thought “who wrote that corny crap?” but as I lay on the sidewalk at 34th st herald square Thursday afternoon having just been punched twice in the face so hard it knocked me ass over head out of my chair I understood the sentiment behind that line.
Everyone who knows me from my old life always goes on about how I could fight as if they are wishing I was still like that and it makes me angry usually, but after being attacked at knife point 4 weeks ago know being a victim of the “knock out game” I, as I lay in bed surviving on pain killers with extreme upper back pain from the fall and head that hurts like hell and a face swollen like rocky balboas after 15 rounds with Apollo creed wish I was the old me.
If I could get one wish it would be the ability to have just 30 seconds of perfect health if anyone ever attacks me, because 30 seconds was all I ever used to need.
I know my regular readers, my friends and especially she who must be obeyed are freaking out thinking I am going to reenact Michael Douglas in the movie falling down, but chill I am still the cute gimp in the purple chair but I am angry and I am not going to take it anymore. Don’t worry there will be no bodies under the porch, no one is going to join jimmy Hoffa for lunch.
Sadly what it does mean is people I enjoy sharing time with will see me less, I love nothing more than rolling 100 blocks in summer or looping central park and that will happen less.
Isn’t it sad when people who do the right thing, fight hard to be better and change their lives have to be the ones who change? How about the thugs pull their damn pants up learn to conjugate a verb and most of all discover the meaning of decency?
I can become the old me easier than they can change, so it’s up to them. They can save themselves by learning to live a decent life, or I go back to the easy life the way that I used to be very efficient at. I know I can change back, the question is do these animals have the guts to change forward?