PTSD and what barely passes for surviving it

I’m hiding in a closet, it’s my brothers gun closet a rack along the back wall has a lee Enfield 303 caliber ex-military rifle, a Beretta under over double barrel shotgun, a pump action riot gun, an slr 7.62 mm military rifle and a shelf of ammunition in front there is a rack of his navy overcoat and my other brothers army overcoat and two other long coats and there I am small 7 years old squatting crying quietly hoping that tonight the monster won’t find me.
He’s coming down the hall I hear his heavy footfall and then it stops, maybe tonight will be the night he doesn’t touch he doesn’t hurt he doesn’t do the things he does, maybe hopefully just as I start to breathe easy a hand, a huge calloused hand pushes through the coats and grabs my hair another over my mouth and drags me out coats falling.
I am on a bed face down silent but shaking I learned long ago that to cry gives him the victory he is over me and “Mia, mia, mia where were you hon? Not here “ I’m shaking I’m in new York not Adelaide Australia and I’m over fifty, that’s the fourth time today in the daylight five times last night waking screaming what I call hell the doctors call PTSD.
Yes its over four decades later, yes I am a grown ass adult flashbacks and night mares don’t discriminate they don’t have a time limit a statute of limitations they play by their own rules. Mine are about a decade of almost daily molestation most you hear of are about battle and serving in the military but the hell is just the same.
Do you have a loved one who lives or just survives day to day with the hells of their past? No matter what the hell was, no matter when it happened the hell is just the same so if you love this person love them just a little bit harder when they come back to the room or when they wake up screaming in the middle of the night because without some ones love they might not be here tomorrow.

Author: disabledaccessdenied

I am a disabled woman who through no fault of my own has wheels under my ass. I rely on the decency and common sense of local, state and federal goverments, as well as the retail community to abide by the disabled access laws and provide adequate ramps, disabled toilets, and not use them as store rooms or broom closets. This blog exists to find the offenders and out them, inform them, and report them if necessary and shame them into doing the right thing when all else fails.

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