When your son or daughter tells you a parent, a relative, or a sibling molested them you immediately hugged them cried and told them it wasn’t their fault and called the cops all the while fighting the urge to get a hunting knife find the bastard and castrate them didn’t you. DIDN’T YOU?
When your child came out as gay, yes you were confused but eventually you told them you loved them and it didn’t matter right? RIGHT?
All my politically correct trendy Manhattan living, must summer in the hamptons friends are saying right now ”MIA OF COURSE, THIS IS 2014 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE GAY AND MY DOOR MAN TOLD ME THE JANITOR IS A MOLESTATION SURVIVOR!”
Then there are those who not only get told you were molested and deny it and throw you out, but they take down all your pictures and when they notice the paint is faded where the picture was so they’re nothing if not thorough, they paint the wall to make sure you are totally removed from the consciousness of the family. The other night Ella and I had to attend a $1,000 minimum a plate dinner for aids research fund raising through her work, and everyone was politely applauding when someone donated a large amount or a famous person gave a rousing speech and sure most of the audience was gay but the few millionaires and occasional billionaires from park avenue who were straight had come down to see how the gay live. The thought crossed my mind as they donated, were they donating to the cause or paying penance for their sins against their own children?
On TV this week I see chers son talking about being on the outs with his mother because he went to rehab for drugs? Wow the biggest gay icon in the world has a problem with a son on drugs? Sure as a mom she should but if she turns her back on Elijah blue for it she should give back every cent she ever made from the gay community.
You don’t have to be rich to be a hypocrite as a parent, my mom was thrown out by her mom because my oldest sister was born out of wedlock, my father her first husband almost beat her to death many times, I witnessed him break all four limbs as a four year old, so she ran because abuse abuse was wrong. Four years later she walked in on me being molested by my sibling and stood watching for a minute and said “enough of that you have school in the morning*”.
When my sister and I had him charged we were disowned and the wall was painted when our pictures came down, it seems running because abuse was wrong was OK for her but we should just lay back and think of the good family name.
When I came out almost 25 years ago and became transgender, she started addressing letters to “Miarosa” that lasted for about a year, then until 3 years ago when the phone rang and a aging female voice said “you’re no longer my child you’re dead to me “ up until that day for over 20 years the letters came addressed to me as a male , my mailman only knew me under my female name so he kept marking her letters “return to sender”
The highest suicide rate amongst teens is caused by the parents disowning them when they come out, the second highest is from molestation survivors who are not believed it’s almost equalled by bullied teens.
Four days ago My mother turned 80, on the 28th of January my good brother had a birthday, on the 20th my older sister, back in December my baby sister had a birthday and today is my sons birthday here it was yesterday in Australia.
I have enough siblings for my own sporting team, I have over a dozen nieces and nephews I have never met, now even my nieces and nephews have children. I have seen none of them for two decades, some of them for almost three, my only crime was doing what we tell every child to do “if you’re molested tell someone”.
Years later I came out and to them it was the last straw, and they will have nothing to do with me. I have run around the world several times to escape the pain, but finally realized every time I ran I packed the pain and brought it with me. I survived just fine JUST, I met a woman who holds me when the nightmares are at their worst, she laughs at my jokes and is someone who I love something I thought I would never say ever again. I now have a family, her family but think about the child you threw away who is loving them today?
When it’s their birthday or yours who tells them it wasn’t their fault? who’s doing your job? Because if you can’t answer my questions you’re sure as hell not doing your job.
Before you scream fagot at your gay child, or LIAR as your child tells you that dad or uncle or the priest or the coach molested them, ask your self one question IN TWENTY YEARS DO YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE THEIR BIRHTDAY AT A PARTY OR THE ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR SUICIDE IN CHURCH?
What ever the result ,what ever you’re remembering, twenty years from now you’re 100% responsible by the choice you make.
If you have a teen or a child in their twenties and you know something is happening, and you know they want to tell you before you answer when they finally are brave enough to ask yourself which is more important, their safety or your public image?
Because I am a fifty something product of the wrong decision, My mom is now in her eighties she doesn’t have long left on this earth and my step dad whom I worship has had 3 heart attacks and a bunch of strokes, neither are long for this earth but I’ll never get a call so I read the Obituaries from my home town regularly so I’ll know.
Before you re post another meme on face book that says “my son/daughter are amazing and I love them, ask yourself “do you really ?unconditionally? Or just when someone is watching?
*= an excerpt from Mia G vayners nover the secrets the mirror kept http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-The-Mirror-Kept-Vayner/dp/1468069497/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396296713&sr=8-1&keywords=the+secrets+the+mirror+kept