This week seems to be a week of remembering people who lifted me up and are no longer here, a year ago today a woman who I considered my sister even though were not related checked off this mortal coil.She found me homeless when I came out and taught me how to live again as a proud out gay woman, we made a pact that we would never do anything stupid without first calling each other like most out gay people we had tried suicide in our darkest hours. We became each others support and she taught me that if you act like you own the store people will ask you the price of eggs. She taught me own who you are and stand firmly in your own truth and most of all always be fabulous and fabulous she was.
We both travelled the world and it was not uncommon to not touch base for months at a time, this week in june last year I rang a mutual friend and was cracking jokes and she suddenly gave me condolences and I said “come on the joke wasnt that bad” then she told me my friend had put on her most exspensive lingerie laid on her bed with a bottle of the best champagne and washed down a bottle of pills, she had evidently found out the love of her life was cheating on her. Losing someone is tough, losing them to suicide hurts like a knife to the heart but what hurt more was she didn’t keep her end of the deal, she didn’t call I would always answer I would have told her what an asshole he was and she was better than him and we would have made it we always did.
I miss her more every day, who ever said once that it gets easier with time is a damn liar.
I know suicide is their choice but it doesnt make it hurt any less, in my quitest moments in the dark of night when my days are bad and I need her I start to dial and then remember she isn’t on the other end and she never will be again ever.
thankyou for standing me on my own two feet in the world, thankyou for teaching me that to say fuck you to the haters you had to build yourself such a place in the world that they listen and thankyou for being you you will never be forgotten.