Just When life seems set and on an even keel the universe will bite you back

When My first marriage went upside down almost 20 years ago I lost my children, my ex got them. For a while I tried my best to be in their lives, but the family law of the day was slanted seriously firstly against the non custodial parent and secondly against the LGBTQ. while sexual preference or gender identity  was not allowed to be a reason for divorce the judge can use it as a morals standard and they did.

 I stayed in my home country for a few years and  I spoke to the children several times a month, I sent presents and even though there was no financial order and I was broke I sent money when I could. When I met my now wife we moved to the united states, as a  parent the ex did a great job but emotionally she poisoned them against me. Slowly as they got older the lies about me came thick and strong and the divide grew wider.

My son is now 24 my daughter is 18, when she was 16 she declared herself bisexual- lesbian and I was proud of her bravery for coming out. I tried to stay in touch but when I would call the ex would simply hang up on me.  This week I found that my amazing child came out as trans and was living as a man, to come out as gay is one thing because for the most part in small country town Australia if you look biological but are gay they ignore you but to cross the line and be transgender to most of the hicks is unforgivable.

My now son lives in the most secluded of country areas and it’s dangerously judgmental, so for him to come out and stay is brave and I applaud him. Last night for the first time probably since I left Australia we talkedfor more than 2 minutes, we listened we exchanged info and my emotions erupted. To survive the separation I had to harden my heart and try to stop worrying about them, I had to tell myself the ex cared for them and If I kept getting upset I  was only knocking my head against a wall because I had no way of ever being involved.

Yesterday when I found out about his change and decision I became mother protector, I worried for his safety. I called contacts in his home town to set up a safety net if he needed it, and then when I finally heard his confident voice and we even laughed together the years of hardness melted away and I was a parent again. And it hurt and it felt good and it was confusing and all of those emotions in one huge ball of pain and pleasure,  and I cried and we parted ways on the phone with I hope with a bridge built and with him knowing  that if he needs it no strings attached I am here I always have been. Just till last night I had no way of letting him know, Now I can listen to those people who proffer the advice that one day they will find a way to your door and maybe just maybe believe it might happen.

HEY UNIVERSE make up your mind, am I meant to be in their lives?  Well you who read me know if they are in my life they will become regular topics on this blog, because this is where I scream safely at the universe and up until last night the pain of never knowing them was a big part of that screaming. I’m still here  andstill fighting but just maybe from now on the good days might outweigh the bad more.

Author: disabledaccessdenied

I am a disabled woman who through no fault of my own has wheels under my ass. I rely on the decency and common sense of local, state and federal goverments, as well as the retail community to abide by the disabled access laws and provide adequate ramps, disabled toilets, and not use them as store rooms or broom closets. This blog exists to find the offenders and out them, inform them, and report them if necessary and shame them into doing the right thing when all else fails.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s