About disabledaccessdenied

I am a disabled woman who through no fault of my own has wheels under my ass. I rely on the decency and common sense of local, state and federal goverments, as well as the retail community to abide by the disabled access laws and provide adequate ramps, disabled toilets, and not use them as store rooms or broom closets. This blog exists to find the offenders and out them, inform them, and report them if necessary and shame them into doing the right thing when all else fails.

New Handicapped Sign Rolls Into New York City

new-handicap-sign_sq-b776123d4caffce16afc752c82caf50c6309eb02-s6-c30

new handicapped sign will appear in New York City this summer.

The handicapped sign is getting a new look — at least in New York City.

The initial design, created in 1968, depicted a person with no head in a wheelchair. The sign has changed since then — the figure eventually got a head — and now it’s trying something new.

Sara Hendren, a Harvard graduate design student, is co-creator of a guerrilla street art project that replaces the old sign with something more active.

“You’ll notice in the old international symbol of access, the posture of the figure is unnaturally erect in the chair,” she says. “There’s something very mechanical about that.”

Hendren’s new design looks more like a person wheeling him or herself independently. “Ours is also leaning forward in the chair. There’s a clear sense of movement, self-navigation through the world,” she says.

A Sign That Brings A New Attitude

It might not seem like much of a difference, but it was enough to fire up a young man with cerebral palsy named Brendon Hildreth, who uses a wheelchair. He and Hendren met as the project gained momentum, and the North Carolina 22-year-old adopted the icon as his own.

Hendren says Hildreth has become a kind of one-man machine around this symbol. He’s made t-shirts with his family and has invited local businesses and institutions to change their signage.

Hildreth can only speak through a machine that he types into, and people have looked at him differently all his life.

“He’s someone who has been treated as though he had less of a complex and interesting life and wishes for his future,” Hendren says.

i
In the beginning of their project, Sara Hendren and Brian Glenney stuck their new design over existing handicapped signs around Boston.

That misperception is what drew Hendren and her partner, Brian Glenney, to start this project. It helped that Glenney, an assistant professor at Gordon College in Massachusetts, is also somewhat of a graffiti artist on the side.

“He said, ‘Well, why don’t we do something?’ He was used to kind of altering public property,” Hendren says.

They went all over Boston, putting stickers of the new symbol over with the symbol we’re all familiar with.

People began to notice, in part because what Hendren and Glenney were doing — defacing public property — is technically illegal.

“That’s true, but we were glad we did, because we raised some conversation,” Hendren says.

The response was so strong that they ended up sending stickers to people around the country. It took just one cold call to to reach Victor Calise, New York City’s commissioner for people with disabilities, and convince him to join the cause. This summer, the old symbol will be replaced with the new one in all five boroughs.

The Power Of Symbols

But for all the successes, the project still has its critics.

“We’ve certainly had people who say, ‘It’s just an image, and I’d rather you spend your time lobbying for other kinds of concrete changes,’ ” Hendren says.

But she sees the new, more active symbol as an opportunity to open the conversation and change people’s perceptions.

“An icon, an image, a symbol, can be a really powerful kind of seed for much larger efforts,” Hendren says.

Therapy awaits

I’m sitting at the bean coffee shop on 13th and broadway with therapy for PTSD less than two hours away and yet it seems like I never left. Last week at the same time I sat in the same place with the same trepidation because everytime I see anne we talk about my childhood and the molestation both when it happened the first time and how many times it has replayed in my head since last we met.
Who invented this system? Maybe my friend the doc can tell me she spends all days shrinking people and from what I hear heshe is damn good at it, but I digress.
This is how it works from my uneducated understanding, I lived the rapes the assaults the attempts to kill me and the gang rapes from three years of age till almost 14, then because I moved on so did my monster to my baby sister and I witnessed that too.
So then I spend years either beating the memories out of every person drinking them out of me or putting enough white powder up my nose that even if they were in their somewhere the memories were stoned too give a shit hell I know I was. But then I stopped binge drinking got sober and ended up in a wheelchair so no more chugging snorting and thumping so the nightmares came up for air and never left.
I wake screaming most nights, several times a night and by the time I stop it’s time to wake, but nightmares like morning sickness have a commonality both names are misnomers pregnant women puke all day and nightmares happen all day whether you’re sleeping or not. People used to say “Mia why do you put up so many articles ? why do you do so many sports? Simple if the monsters find one minute when my brain isn’t active they move in like an unwanted relative at Christmas and never leave.
I find myself looking at beautiful clouds and suddenly they become a screen and the flashbacks role the Hudson river becomes campbelltown 1977 and then once a week a so called trained professional sits in a leather chair across small room and asks an inane question like “ HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?”
We’ll it’s 9am and in two hours not two blocks from here I will sit across a small basement room from a tiny woman and she will ask “SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?”
So it’s time for a quad espresso to prepare for her coffee will have to do jack Daniels at 9am just isn’t done and speed upsets the authorities.

Non disclosure agreements? yes we abused you yes we broke federal law yes we’ll pay but don’t tell the world were assholes

Whats with non disclosure agremements? what happenned to if you do wrong you face the music? Recently an event happenned to Ella and I while travelling we were threatened ,we were yelled at we were abused I was injured and as a disabled person treated like a lump of meat and zeus was even threatened with being put to sleep. All the while our only crime was being a legal law abiding ticket buying customer of a major international corporation?

We have discrimination laws, we have the civil rights act, we have laws that say you can’t be homophobic to me and get away with iand t you can’t breach the Americans with disabilities act and get away with it,and you call someone of color the n****r word and get away with it yet they do.
How you say? well corporations with huge legal departments can do all the above slip you some cash on the condition you tell noone it’s called a gag order or non disclosure agreement? So I have to sit here and read ads for a particular company saying “major supporters of the paralympics” “we support our troops” “we carry more people more places ” “were an american company who loves americans”, and my tongue is so swollen because I am biting it so hard, if I cry BULLSHIT YOU ARE HOMPHOBIC TROOP HATING DISABLED DISCRIMINATING SERVICE DOG HATING ASSHOLES you will take back the few sheckels you dished out and then take me for the few I have me of my own.

We as a community fight for all that is right whenever we can but as long as something as insideous as the gag order is allowed to be will we ever truly know who the bad guy is?

A person can only move forward if someone once showed them how

When a woman has a baby she shows the child how to drink, how to eat, how to stand, how to walk,how to talk. As a child grows they are taught right from wrong and they go to school to have further education with the point being that their mind will be expanded to the point where they too can step out in the world have a career become someone, meet someone they supposedly care about and again one day have a child and do it all over again.

The process of cognitive moral and social development of a human from birth to the point where they are capable of walking in society as productive creative beings is a trust, one that we constantly abuse. We abort, we destroy souls, continuums what ever you want to call them. We demolish humans so we can build prisons and hospitals, we license dogs but not parents? A dog lives maybe 20 years a human with all it’s potential to hate to kill to destroy and to molest can live over 100 years. Yet the first we can be fined for not neutering and registering,but the latter can be dragged up by morons molested by monsters an educated by fools and destroyed by religions.
Yet as long as they can stand walk dress and earn a living we create days to celebrate the breeding unit that spat them out and the stud animal that impregnated the bearer and for the rest of your life no matter how miserable, how destroyed how dark, were meant to once a year lay praises on two humans for producing us when in reality rutting and child birth is done every day by insects with IQ’s in the single digits and by stray dogs but praise the world says we must.

What is there to praise if the so called mother knew her spouse spent more time in your bed molesting you than they ever did in hers?, that they used their bedding to drown out your screams when the same person who fathered you rapes you every night. In fact he doesn’t make you special by that act, the only reason he reproduces it seems is to have victims to line up so when one gets too big no problem another perfect victim is ripening right on time.

When you ,if you do manage to grow to the point where you can run and not look back, when you finally think the door will never open again at 3am to make you cry for a mother who never hears. A new stage begins, a stage where the door no longer needs to open because every single bad touch, every bad act and every penetration every forced sex act starting at not even 3 years of age has been recorded in high def in the huge part of the human brain scientists are always telling us we never use.
If like me you’re a person living with PTSD, you now know why it’s not used, its the video library of every piece of hell you have ever lived and they’re on permanent loop waiting to play in the very core of your being growing louder and louder till you sit upright screaming an screaming and screaming until it feels like you can never stop.

The doctors will tell you they can help, they will tell you they can take you to a time when you only knew the joy of childhood and rebuild you as a human from there. They will do their best to convince you that it’s possible, that there must be some great memory but you have just blocked it out.

But when your earliest memory is your father raping and beating your mother because she complained when she caught him raping his daughters, both barely teens and he blamed mom because she was pregnant and he had needs. And when the girls ran he turned to the boys, and when he ran the boys turned to you, and when you grew the sibling turned to the baby tell me which one of those memories shall I build on to a blissful old age?

A couple of years ago a therapist, very drunk rang me at midnight and told me I was just too damaged goods for her ,just too much hard work I told her to fuck herself.
How dare she write me off? But as the process was explained to me it has occurred to me that I may just be jealous of her, you see she got to walk away from me but I never can.
Who know maybe with my new therapist we can rebuild the module for helping the severely abused? maybe we can build new memories for those like me who have nothing to build from. The last fifteen years have given me great memories with Ella, but every one of those over 7,000 nights has been filled with the 3 am picture shows the only difference being I had a date for the double feature horror movie that was my nightly experience.
Perhaps we can use some of our time together as the foundation, But until we work it out it’s just me Zeus Ella and over 7,000 memories played in high def nightly to choose from. Blue-ray has nothing on the unlocked memories of a childhood spent in a hell so dark Dante would never have dared talk about it.

Anyway to my friends don’t worry I’ll still be here tomorrow and the day after, I just won’t always be great company or even want to come out and play and I never have been any good at suffering fools but I don’t even think that has anything to do with my abuse I just cannot handle people who waste oxygen.
Well I am here and that’s enough for now

PERTH AUSTRALIA CAB DRIVER Peter Kasatchkow’s RAPED FIVE WHEELCHAIR USING DISABLED WOMEN

Mother of one of Peter Kasatchkow’s victim’s speaks out

THE heartbroken mother of one of Peter Kasatchkow’s victims says her daughter has become a prisoner since the attack, feels totally helpless and wakes up most nights having nightmares about her ordeal.

Today, Kasatchkow admitted to sexually assaulting the woman’s 30-year-old daughter in her wheelchair in February while she was a passenger in his cab.

Kasatchkow also admitted a string of other offences relating to four other wheelchair-bound women who were passengers in his taxi.

In total the Dianella taxi driver pleaded guilty to 33 charges in relation to the five victims when he faced Perth Magistrates Court this morning.

The mother of the 30-year-old victim, who has cerebral palsy, told PerthNow the incident had “shattered her family unit.”

“Throughout her life my daughter has endeavoured with our support and encouragement to live an active and as normal life as possible within the limits of her disability,” the victim’s mother said.

“She has attended regular mainstream schools, had a job, been socially active. This event has completely shattered our family unit. She is struggling to get through this emotionally and psychologically.

“When the police were initially taking statements we had to interpret for her which was heartbreaking. It is crushing for siblings to hear what was done to their sister.

“My daughter remarked to her sister that she hasn’t really felt disabled throughout her life because of our love and support but since her attack she feels totally disabled and helpless. She wakes most nights with nightmares and as she can’t just hop out of bed and come and have a cuddle with me. We all feel badly that this is a situation that we can’t fix.”

The woman said her daughter was being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and was now too frightened to use taxis.

“The lack of any transport for her electric wheelchair is significant and a complete restriction to her getting back to her life,” the woman said.

“She has been using multipurpose taxis since she was about 12, one of her great achievements was she could get to and from places on her own by using them.

“She cannot get to work or anywhere else in her electric wheelchair because she is too frightened to use a multipurpose taxi.

“What has happened is unfathomable and despicable — but where is the support? We looked at hiring a van for her carers to drive but (at) $1000 per week this (is) too prohibitive to access. “Not only is my daughter dealing with the attack and trapped in a body that is not functioning how she wants it too, dealing with the psychological issues … she is spending most days at home because she can’t access transport to go to work, movies (and) social gatherings.”

The victim’s mother said she hoped the “full weight of the law” was brought against Kasatchkow at his sentencing in a few months.

“I hope that he is given the maximum sentence available,” she said.

“He should not be given any consideration, just as he gave no consideration for his victims … he obviously doesn’t care about the lives he has shattered his victims (and) their families. I hope the judicial system sets an example that people with disabilities should be treated with compassion and understanding and that the full weight of the law is used against him.”

Kasatchkow was remanded in custody today and will be sentenced in the District Court on June 13

The fourth Reich Herr Putin is set to take Europe

as putin sits upon high in Moscow lying through his arse that he has no intend to invade he simply took back what always belongs to Russia, that being the Crimea peninsula we sat on a park bench with a elderly holocaust surviving woman an aunt called tila (pronounced sila).

Tila still has family in Odessa in the Ukraine which of course means so does my Ella, and the information fresh today from Odessa which incidentally is not in the Crimea, is that Noe-Nazis are taking over the city.
Swastikas are all over the city, Jewish cemeteries have been vandalized, and what wasn’t smashed has been adorned with the largest bright red swastikas that they can manage.
Despite what the west is reporting, recent speeches and comments from Putin to his party faithful is that Putin is regularly telling all and sundry that in his words “Jews and niggers should burn in and hell and he’d like to help them!”
As tila started to tell us of the calls she had received from Odessa and our Jewish relatives there, the light went from her eyes and suddenly she was 12 again and was telling us how her mother and grandma”babushka” would run with them into the Forrest with her four sisters and they would bury them under brush and leaves and limbs and dirt.
Sila stared into space as she told of hearing Nazi’s so close she could hear them talking, hear their footsteps and hear planes destroying her home, her city the only place she ever knew. Eventually for four years they hid in the Forrest, only making forays out for bread so stale it was like bricks and potatoes and turnips but hopefully not so rotten a rough borscht couldn’t be made.

She tells of a time when they managed to stay one jump ahead of the Nazis, they hid on a train with cousins and babushka and they were crying in pain from days of hunger and suddenly with tears in her eyes babushka said firmly “I have nothing to take away the hunger so this is how it must be” and like a panacea from the heart they were all suddenly quiet never to complain for the rest of the ride.
We spent an hour with tila the diminutive one, whom the family from time to time thinks just may be a witch they say she sometimes sees things. Whatever she is or isn’t with what this woman has seen and survived she deserves to be heard.
As the light faded she went back and forth from stories of hiding from the Nazis, of leaving dozens of relatives and friends only to hear the Nazis herded them onto trains and to this day they were never seen again. She would stop and pull her Chanel jacket around her small aging body sigh slowly and take a breath and continue telling more of the news from Odessa. Telling news of machine gun fire in the streets of Odessa, and Nazi youth covering every wall with swastikas and smashing Jewish cemeteries and how the police and military have been told to ignore the complaints, to not investigate. Every now and again she would mutter “he is worse than Hitler, he is becoming Hitler” and then there would be a darkness and the light would go from her eyes.

This is the problem world, we have the beautiful heroic people all around us, the tilas the poppas the simon Weisenthals of this world and even though every great person of history has muttered some form of the old maxim “a people that ignores history is destined to repeat it all we have done to date is build memorials of cold stone instead of listening and learning from the great people who are living and breathing memorials. If you can’t find them just look for the tattoo, because if you think technology invented the bar code I’ve got news for you Hitler was organizing his stock as he loaded them on to trains like so many cows by tattoo so he knew how many he had slaughtered and how many he had left.

The choice is yours world, learn or relive but By what ever god you believe in I hope you choose to learn because the monsters of this world are the only people who deserve to removed like some kind festering sore and whether you like it or not Putin is festering more and more every day. .

Special-Ed Student Who Recorded Bullies Accused of Felony Wiretapping

Mia’s thoughts- this is disgusting, this brilliant child should be applauded for battling the abuse with technology these monsters part of a global problem of peer abuse causing daily suicides by those not strong enough to fight back instead he is threatened with jail. great move education department.

Students-Wiretaps-Bully-Poster2518518820

In Pennsylvania, a high school sophomore with developmental disabilities was convicted of a crime after recording classmates threatening to “pull down his pants”

After being regularly shoved and tripped, and nearly burned with a cigarette lighter, a tormented special-needs student in Pennsylvania decided to take matters into his own hands. He secretly recorded the abuse on his school-issued iPad, and his mother eventually submitted the evidence to the school’s principal. But instead of punishing the teenage tyrants caught on tape, administrators decided to call the police, who threatened the 15-year-old boy with felony wiretapping, but later reduced the charge to disorderly conduct. He was found guilty on March 19.

This isn’t the first time that developmentally disabled kids have covertly recorded bullying on school grounds, but it’s the first case where the victim has been criminally convicted for doing so. At least nine such incidents occurred across the country between 2003 and 2013, often resulting in the firing of school employees, the expulsion of students and legal settlements worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. And while it shouldn’t make much of a difference, previous incidents have mostly involved parents slipping discreet spyware into their children’s pockets, rather than the child taking action.

In 2011, an Ohio couple received $300,000 after they secretly taped teachers verbally abusing their 14-year-old disabled daughter with remarks like “It’s no wonder you don’t have friends,” and in 2012, a New Jersey father posted an audio clip on YouTube of his 10-year-old autistic son getting called “a bastard” by a classroom aide.

The Pennsylvania student, a sophomore who remained unnamed in a report on BenSwann.com, was previously diagnosed with comprehension-delay disorder, anxiety disorder and ADHD. In his testimony, he claimed that he decided to record the incident in order to show his mother that he “wasn’t lying” about the ongoing abuse. “I was really having things like books slammed upside my head,” he said. “I wanted it to stop. I just felt like nothing was being done.”

The original recording was suspiciously deleted by school authorities, though as described on BenSwann.com, the boy’s mother, Shea Love, recounted it during the hearing.

According to Love, as the teacher is heard attempting to help her son with a math problem, a student says, “You should pull his pants down!” Another student replies, “No, man. Imagine how bad that (c**t) smells! No one wants to smell that (t**t).” As the recording continues, the teacher instructs the classroom that they may only talk if it pertains to math. Shortly thereafter, a loud noise is heard on the recording, which her son explained was a book being slammed down next to him after a student pretended to hit him in the head with it. When the teacher yells, the student exclaims, “What? I was just trying to scare him!” A group of boys are heard laughing.

After listening to her son’s evidence, Love eventually reported it to the South Fayette High School principal who, instead of disciplining the bullies involved, called the police to interrogate her “visibly distraught” son. When Love arrived, the principal said the student was facing felony wiretapping charges because he had made a recording in a place where there is an expectation of privacy. The officer agreed but eventually reduced the charge to disorderly conduct on the basis that the student engaged in offensive actions “which served no legitimate purpose.”

Recording laws vary from state to state, but Pennsylvania is one of just 12 states that require the consent of all parties involved. In the remaining states, consent is not mandatory as long as the person recording is present during the conversation.

Despite his emotional testimony and his mother’s pleas, the Pennsylvania student was eventually found guilty, though he plans to appeal the ruling during his next court appearance on April 29. The bullies were never punished

G’day to my girlfriends on the “Girl in the pink wheelchair” From the Aussie woman in the purple one

G’day girls, I write a blog called http://www.disabledaccessdenied.com It was started on january 4th 2011 on the advice of my wife, (yes girls I said wife I am a fifty something gay woman married to a beautiful gay woman) you see before I was in this purple beauty I was a martial arts champion in four different arts and I took rubbish verbally from noone but after my first year with wheels under me and the constant disrespect I got from bored teens who thought everything from tipping to standing and blocking my way was funny my wife advised me to choose a good defense attorney or start telling the world I chose he latter.
My first day nobody told me others could read this thing called a blog, I thought it was the computer version of the diary I kept under my mattress when I was young. The first day 40 people read my first piece called DISABLED NOT DISCARDED, the first month 500 wow I was famous I thought.

I wrote about all the horrible people that gave me a hard time each day, and after about fifty posts I asked my best friend a highly realized Buddhist monk what he thought of my writing. He thought a while and then said quietly “If you must throw this ongoing pity party at least hire a caterer!” wow I would have yelled at him but someone does not yell at someone who has the dalai lamas phone number in his I-phone so I bit my tongue and thought about it

A week later I had the realization that as a disabled woman if this discrimination happened to me every day, who was I to think that I was the only person with wheels under me in the world that it was happening to and I either started writing for the benefit of all or called that caterer again wisely chose the later.

Today my blog has on average 250-270,000 regular readers in over 100 countries , well girls through my writing careers as an advocate, a journalist and now a published author have come to be. As the realization taught me those 3 years and 3,000 stories ago If it’s happening to me It’s happening to all of us so please check out my blog and let me know if there is anyway I can put my readership at your disposal to help a worthy cause

your friend in the purple chair Mia G vayner and my faithful service dog Zeus

zeus4

Yeah today is siblings day let’s celebrate yeah aren’t siblings wonderful?

Today my facebook, my twitter and my brain have been bombarded with memes and pictures so sweet they send diabetics into coma with verbal vomit about the beauty of the siblings relationship yeah lucky us!

Not all siblings are wonderful, when I was five my older sibling started raping me with objects until his body kicked in and he could take over the deed himself . When I tried to tell the first time, he broke my nose and my cheekbones and eye socket, the second time he broke my arm.
He used to swap out my tegretol with Quaalude and tell my mom I was dopey because I had had a seizure, if there were injuries I must have fell during a seizure and he was a loving brother for saving me. When I got too big and tried to tell he drugged me and took me to a party where I was the party favor then he moved onto my baby sister . I tried to tell my older sibling and he beat me up, I told my older sister and she turned her back on me so I told my oldest sister and she left the family and never came back and I blamed myself because I sent her away.
I later found out our father trained my brother on them, so In my Family my siblings either molested me or turned their back on me . So I told my mother who knew the whole time and turned her back because she thought the world would judge her and she called me a disgusting lying horrible sick child and I wondered why then I found out she had about 9 siblings when my birth father tried to kill her so many time with his hands and feet.
One of her siblings slept with her husband another turned his back because good christian women stay in the marriage and she must have deserved the beating. The brother who she worshiped did nothing and the half sister ignored her. The other brother hung out with the child molesting wife beating ex even after the divorce and he had seen the proof of what the bastard done and whom he done it to. Siblings? Can’t live with them and sometimes your lucky to survive them.
Hallmark needs to stop inventing these bullshit celebrations to make a buck, because if they knew anything about PTSD or flashbacks or nightmares they’d know it’s bullshit days like this when they make some of us feel like freaks and bad people because we hate our siblings,.

No I’m not making it up, I am friends now with the children of some of my uncles and aunts and they don’t all speak to their siblings and parents so maybe it was in the DNA.
I loved some of my uncles and Aunts, but hey I didn’t have to grow up with them or live with them or play the dutiful child to them so it was easy.

To my friends can I ask a favor next time you can’t fight the urge to build a syrupy meme screaming the wonders of mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters and children from the mountain top say MY what ever are wonderful don’t book a guilt trip for the rest of us by saying IF YOU LOVE THE WOMEN WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU POST THIS , OR AREN’T SIBLING SIMPLY ANGELS SENT FROM HEAVEN?
Post it to your wall simply tell us your family is cool because declaring that every sibling on earth is heaven sent is a huge assumption without any basis in fact.

PTSD treatment, sometimes the cure is worse than the disease

Sitting home today, just over 24 hours since my second therapy session with my new doctor, and all my friends are saying” congratulations MIA hope it helps” I suppose eventually it might help, the doctor has been honest with me and it will take a very long time.

The part that nobody gets is, therapy for PTSD is a sick dichotomy because you’re there because of what happened to you and the horrors and nightmares they have caused sometimes as in my case decades later and yet to start treatment you have to relive them in minute detail all over again. It’s kind of like shooting a gunshot victim all over again to heal the original gun shot. I mean I’ve heard of the hair of the dog, but it would have been nice if someone warned how vicious the dog was.

No one tells you when they talk about PTSD about the sitting straight up in the middle of the night screaming, noone ever mentioned that when your brain isn’t busy for just a second the memories jump in and the hell ever called them nightmares because I can tell you you don’t have to be asleep and it doesn’t have to be night time. Suddenly every TV show I loved to watch is too hard ,every cop show is a memory every movie about child abuse has me leaving the room it’s like the past has repossessed your soul molestation is the only crime where even when it’s over it gets to victimize you over and over again for life. It’s like the ground hog day from hell but no-ones laughing.

Even now as I type memories are flashing through my head, this next week is my birthday and I am more than halfway through my life and the first decade and a half of my life was spent as someone toy yet more than 35 years since the monster crawled into my soul and yet every time I close my eyes he’s back.
There are those who will read this and say “35 years ago get the fuck over it” and those people are the same people that “you got raped? It happened once so what” what the naysayers don’t realize is there some things in life that never heal. Some cuts you can’t see on the skin but they’re bleeding non stop underneath. Whether you believe in a soul or not it doesn’t matter, what ever you choose to call that part of you where everything bad is pushed down and everything good if there is any good in your life lives, well that part is ripped out to the very depths of your being.
The first time a monster who you used to call daddy, coach, pastor or even brother doesn’t tuck you in but instead they crawl in, crawl into your bed ,crawl into your very soul and sorry Mr naysayer but I happen to know they never crawl out, never.
I hope the doctor is good at what she does but I have no hopes, hopes that in the dark of night when to any one looking in you’re alone but you know the truth your not alone and you haven’t been in 3 decades and you never will be again. That has to be OK because if it isn’t then life can only be dark, only be hell, but hell’s OK because when you have PTSD because you have been there for a long time. Don’t worry I’ll keep doing the work and keep on going because I believe in chance, ,I believe in the roll of the dice, I believe when a doctor says there’s less than a 5% chance someone has to be in that 5% and maybe ,just maybe this time it might be me?