PTSD and what barely passes for surviving it

I’m hiding in a closet, it’s my brothers gun closet a rack along the back wall has a lee Enfield 303 caliber ex-military rifle, a Beretta under over double barrel shotgun, a pump action riot gun, an slr 7.62 mm military rifle and a shelf of ammunition in front there is a rack of his navy overcoat and my other brothers army overcoat and two other long coats and there I am small 7 years old squatting crying quietly hoping that tonight the monster won’t find me.
He’s coming down the hall I hear his heavy footfall and then it stops, maybe tonight will be the night he doesn’t touch he doesn’t hurt he doesn’t do the things he does, maybe hopefully just as I start to breathe easy a hand, a huge calloused hand pushes through the coats and grabs my hair another over my mouth and drags me out coats falling.
I am on a bed face down silent but shaking I learned long ago that to cry gives him the victory he is over me and “Mia, mia, mia where were you hon? Not here “ I’m shaking I’m in new York not Adelaide Australia and I’m over fifty, that’s the fourth time today in the daylight five times last night waking screaming what I call hell the doctors call PTSD.
Yes its over four decades later, yes I am a grown ass adult flashbacks and night mares don’t discriminate they don’t have a time limit a statute of limitations they play by their own rules. Mine are about a decade of almost daily molestation most you hear of are about battle and serving in the military but the hell is just the same.
Do you have a loved one who lives or just survives day to day with the hells of their past? No matter what the hell was, no matter when it happened the hell is just the same so if you love this person love them just a little bit harder when they come back to the room or when they wake up screaming in the middle of the night because without some ones love they might not be here tomorrow.

Great news disabled folks the Christians say we didn’t become disabled from injury we just don’t believe in Jesus?

As an Aussie I have a pretty good bullshit meter, its DNA were born with it down under.

My bullshit meter just went off so loud the neighbors complained, some crazy ass Christians just put up a meme that showed a …well check it out below


So the Christians, you the people who believe the world is only 6,000 years old yet we have fossils 20 million years old, who stupidly claim woman is made from the rib of man and Jesus cured a blind man with spit and mud and who believe a whole bunch of old Arabs lived to be 900 and that the animals and insects of the world were saved in a big ship?

Regarding the ark that one was literally bullshit and elephant shit and rhino shit, to be exact students from MIT have worked out that just the methane alone from just the above mentioned animals would have caused an explosion large enough to take down the empire state building!

How dare those pompous bastards assume because we don’t believe in a holy carpenter from Judea we will always be disabled because forget the best surgeons in the world only a ghost we can’t see of a man that no one can prove ever existed supposedly meant to have magical powers because his mother was a virgin who had a one night stand with a mythical being that we get what we deserve?

I have about as much chance that my Krishna friends could chant away my spinal cord injury as I do old Jesus can.

If religion wants any chance of survival in the 21st century it’s time to stop the judgmental crap, because this is not a generation of sheep this a generation of adults who knew more about the world, technology and life at ten than their parents will ever know in their lives.

NYC MTA wouldn’t know disabled rights if it crawled over them!

For the 16 almost 17 years  that I have called New York home whenever the 7 train pulls up at queensboro plaza to connect with N or the Q  or reverse either way the connection is always right across the platform.

The signs around the subway stations have been advertising that the seven would stop at queens boro plaza instead of going all the way to grand central What they didn’t say was that when the q or the n got to queens boro plaza on the way to connect with the 7 to take us home to flushing that they had decided to stop it 40 feet below its normal platform at a station with no elevator.

So we approached the station customer service person pointed out there screw up had myself and any other disabled person crawling down 40 ft. of steep angled stairs on our asses his reply “no one forced you to catch a train”?

If you as a wheelchair using person catch the same train to connect to the same train for 16 years and it is always 10 feet across a flat platform you assume without public announcement it always will be.

Not tonight, I was forced to crawl out of my wheelchair onto the scummy slimy staircase floor then with Ella holding Zeus’s leash and a stranger carrying my chair for me to the bottom I was stepped over abused, sworn at laughed at and photographed and all the while not a single person helped or offered but the MTA public assistant officer did walk down the stairs past me and totally ignored me?

Way to go MTA  my dignity was left at the top of the stairs  and I’m probably on YouTube but when I have finished  with the MTA they will be wishing I was on a plane to anywhere else.

Flinders lane restaurant ave A and 10th if you’re accessible or Australian I have a bridge to sell you!

I have often written on these pages about the ends my darling goes to to pre plan our days out, and today was no different.

Ella was informed by a client mid-week about a new Aussie eatery called flinders lane, Aussie beer, Aussie tucker and wheelchair accessible? Can it get any better? Yes they had beer from my home town, now Ella not being one to listen to hearsay rang the establishment and a young very Aussie voice said “accessible yes we are pretty well and if you need help we will work it out”

Now our Buddhist group had an exhibition of  ancient Buddhist relics, so we went to Tibet house then we went organic food shopping in union square and had lunch at the ever amazing W hotel then we thought let’s roll to the new Aussie eatery  and check them out for another time? So we rolled all the way to ave A and we found it.

And as an aussie  I was embarrassed as a breed were normally pretty smart, but as you see below their version of accessible was to have a 6 inch step then barely two feet then the ramp which enters through a door so narrow my knuckles scraped on each door jamb. Then we turned to see the bar and it was down another 6-8 inch step?


Who puts a step in front of a ramp?



Federal law just like the health code, just like the liquor laws, just like the building code you don’t get to open by abiding by only half.

Get it together flinders lane you failed the AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT and don’t get me started on your bullshit excuse for an Aussie menu or wine list.

“Your kind always complain wheelchair users are a pain women with strollers never complain!


Yesterday morning, like every other Wednesday morning for the last 6 months has found me in the vicinity of 13th and 5th aver for PTSD therapy.

Yesterday I found myself two hours before  therapy with nothing to do, So I rolled down 6th ave to greenwhich, Someone told me that citarella has vegemite so I rolled into their 6th ave store near 10th ave.

As I approached the electric door it opened and hit something so it only opened three quarters. I sat halfway in the door and halfway out asking for staff but no one came so I got louder,  and finally a woman came and asked rudely what the problem is “the door won’t open “ I said, she looked and said it’s the baskets Sorry?

She replied ‘what are we meant to do?” move them so she called someone in Spanish and they proceeded to move over 100 plastic shopping baskets stacked along the wall of the entry way after a few complaints .

After ten minutes I could finally enter and the door opened completely, As I rolled in a Hispanic man in his fifties in a white coat rushed up to me and said quite abruptly  “what’s the problem?”, I said to him “it’s solved now there were baskets stacked blocking  the doorway but they were moved “, well I told them to put them back mothers in strollers never have a problem, it’s just your kind in wheelchairs that always whine and complain he said.

I looked over my shoulder and all the orange plastic baskets were back blocking the doorway.

As I rolled quickly around the store every second aisle was blocked by boxes and displays. As I rolled back towards the door to leave I spoke to the manager, and his first response again was mothers with strollers don’t have problems just wheelchair users again and again” He also was mutterrring about “damn dogs in his store”

So the most famous name in upmarket food stores in Manhattan, is run by a bigoted law-breaking idiot who goes out of his way to harass the dis and otherwise abled.

Well mr “mothers with strollers never complain” I will be whining all the way to corporate about your inane offensive utterings.

Disability access improvements to NYC subway stations and taxis sought

imageJones poses for a portrait in front of a a handicap accessible elevator at the 179th Street F Subway Station, Sunday, October 12, 2014. Jones is a disability advocate who sits on the board of Disabled In Action and co-founded Wheely NYC, an app that helps people with disabilities navigate the subway. (Credit: Charles Eckert)


I was just reading the New Yorker magazine, the story was about the spate of fake service animals and in the story the journalist stated that all service animal handlers must carry letters from doctors, this is blatantly incorrect.

The Americans with disabilities act is very clear there is no paperwork carried and the only questions anyone in any business are legally allowed to ask are-



Yes this system may leave it’s self-open to abuse, but the abuse I am more worried about and I have personally suffered is stories like this wrongly informing people through newspapers and multimedia incorrectly that they can throw me out if I do not possess nonexistent paperwork.

I have been violently attacked in multiple establishments and police needed to be called and in every case the police backed me and threatened the restaurant with federal violations for the abuse.

Again the only information any dis or otherwise abled person using the services of a service animal is required by law to provide is

1/whether or not it is a service animal

2/ what service it provides- I.E. seizure support

Journalists stop writing fluff pieces just to fill empty space that can in this case get people hurt seriously hurt.

Service animals such as my Zeus save my life every day, he provides support every time I have a seizure and knows what’s needed when PTSD hits I would not be alive today without Zeus.


Remember every day 21 returned soldiers commit suicide because of PTSD when the simple companionship of a trained dog could lower those numbers.

So which is more important human life or selling newspapers?